Sure, breakups fucking blooooooooooow. I’ve had my fair share of breakups in my adult dating life. Ever since moving to LA, I feel like I have more breakups then ever before – doesn’t help that I’ve dated polyamorously with has a steep fucking learning curve and people jumping in and out like it’s a fucking bounce house at a child’s birthday party.
But the beautiful thing about a break up, or at least what we should take away from it, is the time and space to consider what the fuck we just went through.
We go through the stages of grief right – Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. Then what? Do we forget about it? I certainly never do. I’m rather grateful for having had any of my ex-partners in my life because I’ve learned very valuable lessons with each relationship – even the bad ones.
But music, it can help us through the stages of grief. I usually begin with the real good like “fuck you” angry breakup music. I’ve got a playlist I listen to that is specifically “fuck you” breakup type music.
But first, lets have a nice cursing session to honor the breakup we’ve already been through and the ones that have yet to come….
The Fuck You Tracks – Anger & Acceptance
Suuuuuuper popular song right now is Lizzo’s “Truth Hurts”. She is the QUEEN of writing music that hits hard right now.
“You could’ve had a bad bitch, noncommittal help you with your career just a little. You supposed to hold me down, but you holding me back and that’s the sound of me not calling you back.”
I listen to that and it puts me in the “don’t fuck with me I’m a bad bitch” type mood.
Are there times where this song doesn’t work? Yes. In the case of a relationship like 3 years ago that I was in where I cheated on my guy to get him to break up with me for good (long fucking story I’m not even going to get into here)…..can’t really call myself a “bad bitch” in the positive sense with something fucked up like that. It was just desperate and pathetic quite honestly.
But this type of music helps remind that broken heart and ego that you’ll rebound from this shit. Check those DMs cuz every time I breakup with someone my shit blows the fuck up! Men start coming out of the woodwork.
Note: I usually jump back to this playlist once I’ve moved into the acceptance phase of a breakup as well.
This song also helps….hope you feel tortured when you see me after the breakup because…you hurt me you dickhole lol
Ok so I’ve hyped myself up that i’m a hot piece of ass and there are plenty of dudes just waiting in line for a chance to date me. Ok cool, thanks for the ego boost.
Now what? oooooh that’s right, my heart is broken into a million pieces and between “fuck you” tracks….I’m still crying my eyes out.
Broken Heart Tracks – Denial & Depression
That’s when I start getting into the real lovers lament shit. The real heart breaking pieces, those songs that say exactly how you feel if you were talented enough to write a song that could tell everyone how you feel.
I particularly love this track by The 1975. It poses the question, “What about these feelings I’ve got? We got it wrong and you said you had enough. But what about these feelings I’ve got? I couldn’t be more in love.” Because, what about those feelings. What are you supposed to do with them when someone cuts you out of their life? Guess I’ll just shove these back down inside myself…..no! Sing this song at the top of my lungs to feel better? Yes!
There’s also songs like one of my Favs by Mayday Parade called “Miserable at Best” where it’s lovers lament and also….I don’t wanna live without you please come back. Those songs of desperation and longing. I have a very very very long playlist of these because it’s the phase I revel in the longest…unfortunately.
Songs of Jealousy – Ouchie
The #1 song that comes to mind for me was the song that made me fall in love with the band The 1975. “Somebody Else” is one of those songs where your ex has found someone new and even if you are over them (sometimes you just aren’t), you don’t want to see them with someone else.
Personally, after a breakup, I begin the unfollowing and start to unravel the life we intertwined. It starts with unfollowing them, but NEVER EVER removing photos or memories we made together from social media. I make that distinction because it was done to me in the last breakup and it hurt worse then the breakup itself. Even if the relationship went sour somewhere, I never remove the trail of that relationship from the internet. It existed, I lived it, removing photos and such doesn’t erase the fact that it happened.
I simply do not want to see them making new memories without me for awhile. That shit hurts, especially if they start seeing someone new and THEY left ME. It’s too much for my little heart to take, so I avoid seeing it.
But, alas, you will eventually stumble upon something you probably didn’t want to see and it’ll throw you into emotions like this song.
“I don’t want your body but I hate to think about you with somebody else. Our love has gone cold you’re intertwining your soul with somebody else”“Somebody Else” by The 1975
I wish I could be the bigger person but I’m not. Be happy with me or I don’t want to see it. Sorry, thems the breaks. At least while my heart is still broken. Once I’m over it officially, then I can be happy for the person. But until then….I don’t wanna see them.
Self-Reflection Songs – Acceptance & Moving On
So here’s the tricky one. Songs that make you self reflect. This is the most important thing to do after a breakup. What role did you play in the demise of the relationship? Could you have done things better? Did your past scars somehow create new wounds? Are there things about you that you need to work on? Fuuuuuuuuck, we can’t just put all the blame on them, can we? Damnit!!!
This song comes to mind….I’m Bad At Love by Halsey.
“I’m bad at love (ooh-ooh)
But you can’t blame me for tryin’
You know I’d be lyin’ sayin’
You were the one (ooh-ooh)
That could finally fix me
Lookin’ at my history
I’m bad at love”
I’m pretty bad at love…or at least relationships. I’ve still got a lot of broken pieces from previous relationships and had a pretty bad substance abuse problem for most of my adult life that has absolutely made me a bad partner and has inevitably broken some of my relationships.
This song cuts deep for me in that I know that my alcoholism absolutely played a role in my relationships – especially with people who tried to help me. I hid a lot but once my true colors shown through…it’s no wonder they didn’t work out.
Songs like this help ground me and remind me that I played a role in the breakups too and I’ve got a lot of self work to do so that I can improve future relationships by being the best version of myself.
Pink is My Musical Spirit Animal
So I’m not gonna end this post on a sad note. As a matter of fact, it’s time for some of my favorite Pink tracks. She basically has a song for everything in her music catalog. She reminds me all the time that shit happens but I’m gonna make it through that shit like I’ve done before and I’ll come out the other side better for it. Here’s a few of my favs….
So What Now…
I just felt compelled to write this all out today because this is how I cope. Music heals me and maybe it can heal you too.
All of these songs mean something to me and I could’ve posted probably another dozen more that would be equally as important to my heart and souls recovery process after loss or heartbreak.
You’re not alone, you are loved and you will love again. I want you to remember that today and every day. It doesn’t matter what you go through, you’re gonna make it through this shit and come out stronger than before.
So here’s a little piece of my heart. I don’t like having to go through breakups either but the music helps.
But ultimately….I’m usually just hoping this song plays out – I become bullet proof and walk the fuck through an 80s inspired music video like a damn boss with rad hair.